It was just about nightfall and I had just finished my 12 mile run as today was my long easy day. However, I decided to push it hard the last 4 miles and I was worn out my the time I got home. My wife was out of town for a week at a conference and I was home by myself.
I had just taken off my drenched singlet and had just my usual red Marine Corps running shorts and I was heading to the hot tub. I decided to put the trash can out to the road for the collection service in the morning. It was getting dark fast and I was hot, sweaty and ready to relax. As I got to the road, this black van pulls up and the driver rolls down the window of the passenger side and asks me for directions to a street 2 blocks over. I barely hear him, and get closer to the door, when out of nowhere these 2 big guys come out, grab me and put something over my face....and I'm gone.
When I awaken, it takes a minute or so to get my orientation and I smell a familiar smell. I'm outside, it's bright noonday sun, and I smell chlorine and hear water running. I attempt to get up and realize my hands are tightly bound over my head to some stationary object and my feet are the same way. I'm on some sort of mesh sling which I realize is a hammock and I'm secured in multiple places by ropes throughout my body. When I start to yell for help, I realize I have one of those gags with a tube in it and my sounds are muffled to nothing more than a distracting mumble and basically unheard as they are masked by the sounds of the running water from the pump of the pool.
It would appear, though, strategic areas were left untouched, unguarded and worse yet, unprotected. I struggle to no avail; I'm there until someone sees fit. I start to sweat and get thirsty but I can't quench my thirst.
I hear something like a hydraulic motor in the background and realize that it is pulling me up...feet first into the air. The stationary object my arms were affixed to comes with me and I now realize I have a spreader bar on my arms and my legs.
As I'm hoisted into the air, I see that I am attached to one of those diving trainers that allow people to practice flips, dives without ever getting hurt. Only this one is over the water and not on the deck.
I look to my chest and see these 3-pound weights attached to chains that are attached to my nipples, and fear rushes through me immediately. Ironically, each weight has plastic and styrofoam on them. As I'm lowered into the water head first, the weights slip off but nothing hurts because they float in the water...thus not yanking my nips off. As I begin to hover over the deep end of the local college training pool that I have swam many a mile in, I never thought I'd be suspended over it.
Then from behind the diving board come 2 guys wearing nothing but red Marine shorts and smiles. It seems both of the have long plumes in their hands with ostrich feather attached to them. Obviously, someone had to tell them that I'm extremely ticklish on the sides and stomach. They both lightly glide them along my sides and I start to laugh and squirm. They both concentrate on the same part of my body, just on the opposite side. They focus in on my armpits, and I am not flaying around like I've been shocked or something. I'm losing my breathe and laughing uncontrollably.
"STOP!" I hear from the PA system, and these two bronzed hunks stop. Apparently it was something of a workout for them too, as their well-developed chests, void of all hair, are glimmering from sweat from the noonday sun. "Now we're going to make things a bit more interesting," comes from the booming PA system. "You've said you want to improve your fitness level, well today is 'abs day'.
"On the count of 10, you're going to be lowered into the water up to your neck. The rest of your body will be high, dry, and exposed to the noonday sun, and of course, to Josh and Jason, our twin ticklers. The object of the game is, obviously, to breathe. What you should do is inhale from the mouth piece in your gag as much water as you can. Then do a vertical sit-up and deposit the same water in the cup located between your crotch. Of course, as you sit up, your nipples will be pulled delightfully tight. If you get at least 4 ounces, the lift will automatically pull you out of the water for 1 minute. While in the water and doing your sit-ups, Josh and Jason will be tickling every way they can to keep you from accomplishing your 1 minute rest time. Of course, feel free to breathe up and down while doing your sit-ups. If you succeed 3 times, Josh and Jason get to exchange places with you. Oh yes, one last thing, for every audible noise that is detected from you, the prostrate vibrator kicks in during your one minute rest.
"Got the picture: Can't breathe underwater and the tickling twins try to keep you from completing a vertical sit-up. As you pass the half-way mark, the nipple weights drag and that 3 pounds each is pulling like its 100 pounds. You're in tickling hell, as your sides, feet, chest and back are all feeling the feathers.
You whimper as you finally get 1 minute rest and the vibrator kicks in. If you do only three, Jason or Josh are next. Breathe as long as you wish, as long as you can stay in that position.
Only have to complete 30 minutes of this workout. Ready, set, go!