Set your fancy table on the floor and you're sitting on it with your back to a post. Spread your legs apart and tie down your feet and toes like you did to your roommate.
Take a Barbell and put on, say 100lbs. Two ropes to the bar and up over the rafters and back down to your arms (some kind of leather wrist strap). Secure your arms straight up to the same ropes. With no slack, bar is raised 2 inches from floor. Tie your knees and quads down to the table. Tie your chest and waist tight to the pole.
Here's the deal: you can protect you upper body pretty easy. All ya got to do is use some muscle and pull your arms down. I can't tickle your abs or armpits if you pull down your arms.
Problem is big guy--yer feet are still vulnerable.
How long you think you can protect your upper body once you start laughing? That bar's gonna get mighty heavy pretty fast. If you lose it and your arms go straight up, the weight won't hit the floor, so its still gonna pull on your arms.
Armpits are pretty damn exposed in that position.
But don't sweat it too much buddy.
Red's a good color for a shirt.